I am staring at this photo and realized I have been using the term ‘ding dong’ as an insult for probably the past 10 years of my life. I say this word with much more frequency than the average human – I think it’s a perfectly acceptable diss word.
“You’re a straight up DING DONG…” / “You’re such a friggin’ YODEL…” so on and so forth. I learned it from my Dad. But I choose not to throw around “You Ho-Ho” because that would just be crossing the line.
So as some of you may know, I am ANTI-LACTOSE! But not by choice. So I did not actually try these ice creams, but burdened it upon my friends. I know, what kind of an evil monster would do that?? 🙂
You do have to hand it to Hostess for doing something like this, I guess. To my knowledge, they have never done ice cream products before and it’s taken them THIS LONG. I guess it’s a totally different ballgame that I would know nothing about.
These here are of the ‘novelty variety’, because they also made regular cartons of solid ice cream in the same flavors as well. These were all I could find, and I spent way too much money on something I wasn’t even going to taste. #DoItForTheBlog #MadRespect
Reviews, as told by my friends ( I literally took hand written notes while they tried these on a Saturday night ) because I am WAY IN OVER MY HEAD
Sno Balls: Recognized as one of the worst alien snack cakes that landed on this planet. It’s a fact, proven by the government. The original item is a chocolate cake ball with a thin layer of squishy marshmallow covered in pink coconut flakes. Sounds like a terrible accident, right? My friends reported this as having no cake texture inside, just chocolate ice cream. It also resembled a strawberry shortcake ice cream bar, which it probably is but then got jazzed up with all this extra shit. The coconut flakes on the outside were strong enough to leave a SLIGHT coconut flavor.
Ding Dongs: Okay, my handwriting for these is absolute crap but I have written down: ‘powdery’, ‘milk’, ‘cement’, ‘bready double layer’, ‘no good’. If that doesn’t describe it then I’m not sure what other synonyms would. This was deemed as the least favorite out of the three. Ding Dongs can truly be a dry desert dessert (#spelling lolz), along with Devil Dogs and Yodels. So they at least got that connection down with their ‘bready double layer’ technique. But for ice cream? Shameful.
Twinkies: Original Twinkies = BAD. Twinkies ice cream = WIN. Probably because this had no sponge-like ingredient at all, which was a smart choice. This icecream was also the fanciest of the bunch, because it had a waffle cone, and was designed like a Drumstick (and everyone loves a Drumstick, it’s a lower class Magnum bar I guess). The flavoring is like a vanilla birthday cake, but also very much a Twinkie flavor. Twinkie flavor isn’t bad, but the whole thing is just odd, as legendary as it is. Something strange about the Twinkies ice cream is that there is a thin chocolate dipped layer at the top of the cone. Twinkies have no chocolate, so like WTF is this. This makes me believe that they really did hijack a Drumstick and said “Just put yellow ice cream on top.” Whatever, it still worked out. This was the favorite out of the three.
These ice creams were not meant to be delicious gourmet dairy confections. They are just gimmicky versions of iconic past-time snack cakes. So it makes sense that they are a little…… boring.
What would have been the best idea is an ice cream FUNNY BONE. Those are insane.
Something I keep forgetting is that some of these snack-cakes I mentioned are not even Hostess brand, they are created by the Drake’s brand. Take a gander:
But really the only Drake Cakes I mostly appreciate are these:
What a time to be alive!!
Sugary * Satire 